Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
