I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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