I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
