why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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