I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
