Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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