just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
