New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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