Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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