All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
