I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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