gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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