I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
