if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
