All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
