dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
