Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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