Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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