Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
