I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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