Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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