Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
