I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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