She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
