woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
