i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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