Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
