How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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