Got a toothbrush?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we made out on top of his cat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
