Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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