I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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