I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
