the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
