Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
