3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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