I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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