; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
