k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
