walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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