I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
