you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
