Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
