Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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