i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Quick, to the slutcave!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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