I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
