i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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