and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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