Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
