We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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