how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
