Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
