The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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