Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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