ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
