all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
