I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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