I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
