the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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