my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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