I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
