you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
did you just send me my own nude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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