You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
