As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
