only you would photoshop your dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
