I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
