Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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