I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
