he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
