I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
