She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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